The manor had been reformatted to take up the entire clearing, with only a fraction of the frigid stone available to new arrivals. Roz and Ghere both stepped from the emptiness beside the great crystal shard supporting the house, materializing mid-stride to approach the massive doorway. The wings of the manor enclosed them, leaving the only open edge as the one they had just arrived above. The door held the same design as prior, a great black slab of stone with a darkened steel torus embedded in the middle. A seam was invisible, but betrayed by a line of frost that split the door and ring cleanly in half. Ghere whistled in awe at the densely packed stone walls of the wings, noting the lack of mortar, replaced instead by a transparent crystal as though cast in resin. The front of the house entertained an exaggeration of the supporting structure, built from the inside out and accented as such as it bulged towards them with three faces.
“You have too much time on your hands.”
He shook his head and smiled defensively.
“Don’t we all? I make stuff, you slaughter.”
“It was one campaign.”
“It was enough that you expected I was aware of it.”
“Don’t make this about me. Why do you have a Phyrexian sigil on your door?”
Razel stopped and blinked an unnecessary amount of times.
“I...don’t?”
She looked at the door with an exaggerated twist, then back to him.
“Circle. Line.”
He mimicked her motion and frowned heavily.
“Huh. It’s not intentional, but now I’m unable to unsee it.”
The door ground open, revealing a white marble floor that led to a wall of wraught metal that went up past the doorway. The design was fraught with hands, all of them appearing to emanate from the shrine now encaged within his walls. Ghere opened her eyes wide.
“Why so big?”
“Sometimes I entertain large friends. A couple still have to duck, but that’s usually incentive to try a smaller form, which those of that size are normally capable of taking but don’t because they’re prideful asshats.”
She looked to him, jaw agape. He ignored her and kept walking, taking the lead in stride and conversation as they took a sharp right and followed the angle of the outer wall into a smaller room, past writhing tapestries on the inner wall to a sitting chamber easily the same height and width, but no longer careening into the ceiling.
“They still like to be big, so that’s why the sitting area here has two levels of seat.”
A door to the right and straight before them broke the otherwise impeccable stone walls, occasional fossils decorating the surfaces where they planed through them. Razel didn’t comment on them, instead making his way to the door opposite and taking her into the gallery. Razel smiled wide as he walked up to a case full of treasures and turned to face her.
“I love this place. Come, see!”
She wandered into the room, unaware of the door closing behind her as she gasped. The hall was nearly a hundred feet tall, and extended several hundred feet back. The fifty feet between the brass decor that lined the pool in the center of the building to the shelves of curios and artwork was split by a great tank, filled not with water but with light sourced from one of the sliver titans in his hive.
“The shifting thing in the middle of the room is probably bedrock. This hall is anchored to the Overlord, while the other wing has the Queen. If we’re lucky-”
The shimmering shadows gave way as a tunnel entered their field of view, showing the great sinewy beast who anchored the hallucination.
“Theeeere he is. So magnificent.”
He led her further down the hall, along the path between the display and the brass. Her gaze was welded to the sectioned stone represented by the terrarium, but she did her best to listen to his rambling.
“The decor is gathered from a rather extensive period of kleptomaniacy. I would like to say I got better, but I doubt the locals would ever agree.”
“Why is the liquid in that pool black? Is that oil?”
He scrunched his face.
“Gods, no. It’s void. The shrine is for my patron.”
“Yawgmoth?”
“Night.”
“No idea who that is.”
It was Razel’s turn at incredulity. He stopped and turned to face her.
“You know the name of the Father of Machines, but you don’t know the Myojin of Night’s Reach?”
“You don’t research the people you hire?”
He glared at her, but turned and continued.
“Irrelevant. We’re not here to discuss Phyrexia.”
They arrived at a spiral stair on the back wall, climbing it past several landings to exit into a room with a hole cut from the middle, revealing a slanted roof beneath the suspended cage enclosing a pair of suns at the ceiling. The two spheres of mana roiled as they danced around each other, illuminating the tables and chairs set as comfortable distances from the walls and ledges. Razel gestured to a nearby table, dropping into his seat and snapping his fingers impatiently. Ghere scowled at him.
“I can only sit so fast.”
“Not you. Wodehaus.”
“Who-”
The appearance of the skeleton caught her off guard, startling her a few inches out of her seat and prompting a reflexive half-casting, which she quickly stopped before looking to Razel for reassurance.
“THE FUCK IS THAT?”
“Wodehaus.”
“What’s a Wodehaus?”
“He’s my assistant/butler.”
“What does he do?”
“He buttles.”
Clack clackety clack clack clackety.
“That too.”
She lowered her hands slowly.
“So you understand that?”
“I mean, I made him, so I should hope we can communicate.”
Clackety clack.
She leaned against the table and eyed Wodehaus warily.
“Right. So what are we here to discuss, if not your proclivities?”
“I suppose I could have been more specific.”
“I hear you’re for hire, what do you take as payment was a great ice-breaker, but I’d hoped for more by now. That lie about the forest was clever but obvious. On that note, what was that thing we broke?”
Razel waved away her concerns.
“Personal vendetta, or favor depending on how you look at it.”
“Are you sure you didn’t want to bring it back here? It looks like you have a habit of doing that.”
“While we’re getting personal, how gruesome was it?”
That shut her up. She blanched then boiled.
“There’s a substance there that had an unexpectedly strong effect on me. I took pleasure from the extremes of my activities until I began to enjoy the pain it caused, at which point I had to step back and look at the trail of corpses I’d made and flee.”
“How long ago?”
“Not very. I assumed you had heard of it and come looking, but I did not expect the first person to come for me to offer a job.”
He squinted and shrugged.
“Well, more companionship. I get bored going out alone, plus bringing someone along is generally a good idea for safety’s sake.”
Wodehaus turned pointedly to meet his master’s gaze.
“Don’t give me that look. You have duties in the house.”
Clackety clack clacker-
“Shut up. You’ll get your turn to tag along again.”
Ghere shook her head.
“I see you maintain healthy relations with your workers.”
Wodehaus took a deep bow.
“Yeah, he’s good at what he does. Gets lippy from time to time.”
“So are you coming on to me or do you have a job?”
It was Razel’s turn to turn a vivid red.
“No, I’m just not in a rush. Ugh. Is that a common occurrence? Job offers with ulterior motives?”
She shrugged.
“Most jobs are serving a purpose outside their focus, but yeah. A lot.”
“Well, I need you as a bodyguard while I procure a few things.”
“You seem able to protect yourself rather well.”
“I’m great against a small number of opponents, but I get overwhelmed pretty quickly.”
“Probably shouldn’t be so free with that information.”
“Inconsequential. Staying on topic, I need to make sure that if something goes awry, I have you as a backup, in which case knowing some of my weak points will help you do your job.”
“I casually admitted genocide and you still want me to watch your back?”
“Pretty much.”
“That’s great and all, but still tells me nothing of what we’ll be doing.”
“Theft, mostly. Some vandalism. Probably a mote of murder, some light larceny-”
“How do I know theft and larceny are the same things? Did I pronounce those right?”
“Ah. Part of the Academy package - everything I say is translated as it is heard based on intent. And yes, you did. I said it twice because we’ll be doing a lot of it.”
“Okay. Of what from who, and why? Same dragon from the forest?”
“No, that was to check you out and see if I wanted to keep you on.”
“You worked with those guys?”
“Not them specifically, but their institution. Yes.”
“Why do they want me?”
“Likely your little rampage caught their attention, so now they feel obligated to offer you the choice.”
“Between?”
“Membership or death.”
“Some choice.”
“They have good intentions - their stated aim is to minimize the effects of wild planeswalkers on the multiverse and train them to control their power, or to otherwise deal with the remaining liabilities.”
“Interesting choice of phrase.”
“If you are aware of a threat, and you do not act on it, are you not liable for the potential damage that may ensue?”
“Is that why you told them I was under your protection? Did you claim responsibility?”
“Pretty much. Yeah. I unintentionally paved the way for their current leader, so I was hoping to pull rank and bring him into this to slow things.”
“Well, he certainly knows now.”
“I expect he’ll be along any minute, actually.”
They faced the other side of the hole, where a shifting figure had appeared in silence. Twin knives materialized in Wodehaus’ phalanges, but Razel stayed him with a gesture as the morphing interloper pulled up a seat.
“Just waiting for my que.”
“How long were you waiting?”
“Enough to check out the lovely garden up there.”
Ghere wondered for a moment if Razel had gorgons in his lineage, based on his glare.
“I appreciate the sentiment. Shall I continue?”
“Please.”
“Ghere, this is Twelve. For now.”
He extended his hand genially, then withdrew it after an awkward moment and smiled instead. She remained unimpressed.
“A pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“Why did you send those two to kidnap me?”
Razel raised a finger.
“Kill, I think.”
Her eyes narrowed as 12 cleared his throat, but otherwise remained stoic and smug.
“We made to you the same offer we make to everyone, which with your record is rather generous.”
The rime mage beckoned for his house guard before whispering an order and dismissing him.
“Yes, the Academy is known for its generosity. Not the one you run. Do you know how many place just call themselves The Academy? I’m wondering if your true title is simply Leader.”
“It is. Also, yes, it is generic, but-”
Ghere spoke with a bellow.
“WHY DID THEY IGNORE HIM?”
12 nodded.
“To the point. Yes. Well, simply put, they were new to the position.”
Razel shook his head.
“That’s a cop-out. Your chain of command failed somewhere between you and the grunts.”
“As always they do. I can not be held accountable for the actions of-”
“You totally can! That’s exactly what your twelve positions are for.”
12 settled on a single form, a vulshok seeping oil as it glared back at him. Ghere broke the silence.
“So why are you here?”
“To offer apology for the actions of my staff.”
Razel scoffed.
“Right. What else?”
“To offer a position within the Academy, as I am obliged to do.”
“Obliged to who?”
Ghere felt very much like an accessory as they bickered.
“So no?”
“As always, no.”
“This is your right. She, however-”
“Is under my protection and also has refused. Clear her record, or order it done. I know how to resolve a liability, which she has yet to prove herself as.”
Ghere felt as though she should be offended.
“Hey-”
12 ignored her as he listed her crimes.
“Full extermination of the Qhan. Enacting a hedonistic caste system which ensured the extinction of her own few remaining followers before coming to her senses when the drugs ran dry.”
Razel squinted at him, then turned slowly to her.
“What was the basis for advancement to your inner circle?”
Ghere proceeded to turn a vivid crimson as her eye twitched. Razel waved away her nonexistent reply.
“Doesn’t matter. She was under the influence, and now has learned from her mistakes. I’ll sponsor her if you want. Make sure she stays on the wagon. Either way, she stays with me.”
12 began to shift again, sliding between bodies as it thought.
“Why do you want her, specifically?”
“At this point, mostly because you do.”
12 shrugged.
“Fair enough. I can understand your position, so consider it done. I will make sure her file is placed with yours in-”
“Hold on. Placed with? I said erased.”
“Kyao Xaing, I am not the only one who keeps tabs on you. There may come a time you are thankful for the eye I keep pointed in your direction.”
Razel visibly bristled and shuddered in place as he half-planeswalked in his seat. 12 disappeared in a swirl of mist, dissipating into nothingness as Ghere raised an eyebrow and leaned over to him.
“So...was that what you were hoping for?”
“Give it another few minutes.”
She watched as nothing happened, preparing to say something but shrieking instead as Wodehaus appeared beside her and Razel visibly relaxed. Ghere slapped the skeleton, who seemed very used to that sort of welcome.
Clackety clatter clack clackety.
“Thank you. He’s gone now, completely.”
“What did he call you?”
“Don’t worry about that. Important thing is that now you won’t get followed, so we can go do that larceny I mentioned without them suspecting us.”
Ghere narrowed her eyes.
“We’re stealing from-”
“Yep.”
“So if they’re tracking me-”
“They’ll know we’re coming.”
“Now that they’re not-”
“We can get in and about without suspicion. Hell, now we have an excuse.”
“Why are we doing...whatever it is we’re doing?”
“The hell of it.”
She blinked repeatedly.
“So this Academy, who you clearly have an extensive history with, is run by this 12 person, and you managed to run from them and get them to leave you alone, so you’ve tricked them into doing the same for me so we can...infiltrate them?”
“You catch on quick.”
“To do...what? Steal from them?”
“Right. I want to get samples of their new materials so I can be better prepared against them in the future. I haven’t been a part of their structure for a long while, and it’s only recently I’ve come to the rapport you saw with 12.”
“Couldn’t you ask for some of their stuff?”
“So they know to start working on countermeasures?”
“This seems unnecessarily complicated.”
“It’s really not from here. We’re going to show up at one of his outposts, ask for a tour, and then klepto our way through the site.”
“Do I really look stealthy to you?”
“You don’t have to be.”
